Things have been pretty intense for me lately. For nearly a year, I’ve been building a house on a small island outside of Vancouver and living in my parents basement while I’m doing it. Pretty much every weekend has been spent up there working away on our new home and for the most part, the only days off were when I was sick. A very busy and intense time on so many levels for me personally, and running a small business on top of it all. Did I mention I’ve been living at my parents? 😉 No better way to expedite self-healing and come face to face with all the dark bits that you have avoided by moving out.
Confession time. With all this intensity, I have moved through some very heavy periods of self-doubt. On a personal level of course with all this movement on the home front and finally moving towards my dream of living outside of the city. But a lot of business related self-doubt has cropped up as well. I guess when you’re in doubting mode, you start to doubt it all! Questioning my self and my abilities. Questioning whether I actually like running this kind of business. Questioning whether I will ever reach my goals. Questioning, questioning, questioning.
I must say, it’s been rather uncomfortable. Running a small business is hard enough. You invest so much into it. But to then question whether you’re doing it right or if you should even be doing it at all (and whether all that hard work has been in vain). Ugh. Not pleasant.
But I know that I’m not alone in this. As entrepreneurs, these are the types of boundaries we push up against. It’s the line we toe with the major risks we take. It’s going to be uncomfortable. We are forced to delve deep into the patterns that we have running that do not serve us. To look at how we talk to ourselves, how we deal with stress, how we handle disappointment, challenges and road blocks.
And it’s hard. Here’s what helped me…
Let go of the guilt and inadequacy
There’s this idea that if you love what you do and you’re following your passion, work won’t feel like work and you’ll love it all the time. Hah. No business ever runs perfectly and there will always be times when it won’t be flowing.
I would feel all kinds of self-doubt when I wouldn’t be feeling my biz. If it was really right, it would always be awesome, no? I’ve learned that that is not the case. There will always be ebbs and flows in your enthusiasm, for a myriad of reasons. And that’s perfectly OK. Running a small business is a journey of highs and lows. I’m working on not beating myself up for the lows. They don’t necessarily mean that I am doing the wrong thing or that I’m not on the right path. I just may need to shift direction slightly, or look at what else I have going on that may be causing these feelings.
Acknowledge how you feel and push through it
So I’ve been working at developing an acceptance of these feelings, and persevering through them. There was one particular day when I felt like I had no idea what to write about in a blog and was not feeling a flow at all. I pushed through the blah and tried to write anyways. Once I got going, it all righted itself and, lo and behold, there was the flow. Tons of ideas came up and I could have written a dozen posts. Sometimes your goat brain is your own worst enemy.
Reality check
Really scary questions started flitting through my mind. Am I actually helping here? Does what I’m doing matter at all? Do I even like internet marketing? Oh, the negative spiral our minds can take us on. I started taking the time to shift away from that and focus on all the positives of my biz, how many entrepreneurs I’ve helped etc. Once negativity has taken hold, it can feel almost impossible to circumvent it or rise above it. It takes plenty of practice, so the sooner you can start working on this skill, the better.
Focus inward, not outward
As I was unraveling, I would inevitably comes across what others in my field were up to and how they are rocking it. And here I am and I couldn’t even get a blog post up for the month of April. So I stopped looking at my Facebook newsfeed. I didn’t read emails not related to my client work. I just focused in on myself and gave myself the space and time to keep things internal, not external.
Appreciate the doubt
Anything uncomfortable, hard, or painful is an opportunity for healing and up-shifting higher. I believe this without a doubt. Think about all the times in your life you came on hard times and how you carried on. Think about how things got better and how moving through the hard stuff eventually opened new doors and presented new opportunities. When you’re in the throws of a major meltdown, it can be hard to stay grounded, but eventually you will calm and start seeing the forest for the trees. And finally you will get to the point where you’re thankful for that dark time.
I also went back to this post I wrote and read all my own tips for what to do when you’re not having fun in your business. Me reminding myself of what I already know.
And I pushed through. Confident in the knowing that this was not a permanent state of being and that I will move past this once the lessons are learned. This too shall pass.
Self-doubt and self-criticism is nothing new for me. It’s an encryption that I carry that needs healing. And my business has helped me with that. I feel like with each step back, I’m taking 2 forward. I know that these challenges will continue to crop up for me until I heal the pattern. And I know that I’m healing! So I say thank you for being an entrepreneur. I say thank you to you for reading and supporting me as I bare my soul a little here. I say thank you to myself. I say thank you to the universe. I say thank you.
On to you. What kind of dark times have you faced with your small business? How did you push through to higher pastures? I’d really love to hear from you in the comments!
My name is Martina and I’m a 
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